Why do people feel the need to be reassured?

Reassurance is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as “words of advice and comfort intended to make someone feel less worried”. Where worry stems from is another story; its origins can be from doubt, anxiety, fear, anger, insecurity, among a multitude of other feelings.

With this in mind, I want to explore the act of reassurance and why I believe it’s fundamentally beneficial to the majority of relationships between individuals.

Reassurance in the workplace, especially with one’s colleagues, is vital to the continued happiness of those around you. Many people suffer from the doubt of their own skills, or perhaps their behaviour with others in the team. To remind someone of their successes, to reassure, is an honest, simple way in which you can immediately relieve someone’s worries. To validate someone’s exhaustion after a difficult week, that the next week will be better, can build trust with people through empathy and understanding.

As a manager, the dynamic shifts in the relationship. Many of an individual’s problems can be directly, or indirectly, caused by someone they report to. Be it the security of someone’s job, the fear of underperformance, whether their colleagues like them - the reassurance by someone who has influence over these issues can be far more impactful than that of their peers. However, reassurance without action can exacerbate worry. For someone to be reassured, and for them then to continue feeling their worries validated through experience, will simply breed distrust of the reassurer.

Closer relationships, such as romantic partners or long-standing friendships, follow the same principals, but with a heightened degree of emotional connection. The worry that someone may not care for you as much as you care for them can stem from many things, and whilst reassuring someone may not fix the root problem (which should be dealt with), it can certainly help alleviate the symptoms. As emotional closeness grows between two people, so does the strength of their feelings.

Inevitably, those close to you will experience worry with greater emotional need - in turn, your reassurance can provide greater relief to these worries due to the trust and bond that has been developed.

I previously mentioned empathy, which is fundamental to reassuring those around you. Empathy requires you to understand (or at least try to understand) the feelings that someone is experiencing; without this understanding, reassurances given can be hollow. Even worse, reassurances based on misunderstanding can reinforce someone’s worries or isolate them, causing more worry.

There is a point in which too much reassurance becomes a negative aspect.

If no actions are applied to the root cause of the worry, any reassurances will begin to lose their validity and meaning. Like a festering wound, treating the symptoms will only last so long before the infection needs to be dealt with. A partner feeling that they are not loved anymore can only be told “I love you” so many times before deeper conversations are needed to explore how they receive and experience love.

Reassurance without action is temporary. Action is needed from both the one who needs reassurance, but also the one who provides it - these actions will always vary depending on the root cause, which can be both internal and external to the worrier.

To summarise: to reassure is a wonderful act which can be done quickly and easily, benefiting both yourself and those around you as long as it’s done empathetically.

For long-standing issues it should be considered carefully, ensuring that the identified worry is looked into not dealt with at a surface level.

Something as simple as telling someone that they’re doing well can change their day, and requires little effort on your behalf - over time these small acts can change the world around you for the better.